This is a very tricky situation which happens to a lot of people. It is as a result of the stigma attached to the incident, the family of the survivor want the whole incident to remain private and should not be discussed in the home and the whole family is sworn to secrecy.

So if you accidentally find out, you cannot confront the rape survivor because you have classified information that shouldn’t be in your possession.

So what should I do?

Be a friend.  Be there for the survivor and be attentive to their needs but don’t show pity.Even if you are told years after it occurred, don’t assume that the survivor has gotten over it

Most survivors develop Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  Which means sometimes they will react differently to what you would normally expect but this does not mean that they are losing their mind.

During these times you need to develop a non-judgemental attitude and not change how you interact with them because the truth is that she did not have an accident and break her leg, she was raped and now she needs you to help them heal from the pain.

There is a good chance that if you are family or a close friend the pain might become yours and you may need some counselling as well to help them go through the pain and at some point you might get frustrated and abandon them at the point when they need you the most.  Or even worse you may transfer your frustration on to them which may even ruin the friendship you share.  Counselling will help you realign yourself together and be able to give better help

Be proactive don’t ask if you can help just help.  Shower her with acts of kindness and let her know by your deeds that she has a support network which is interested in her getting better. 

You can contact the Nairobi Women’s Hospital for more information